Tag Archives: jobs

The Circle of Laziness

10 Jul

I always find myself the most inspired when I’m dead tired and about three seconds from giving up on getting off the couch and going to my own bed. It’s usually around 1 am when I get a song lyric I wanna turn into a whole song or a thought I want to ambitiously turn into an entire novel. Yet when it comes to actually completing these goals, I convince myself that I’ll do it in the morning when I have more time and I’m not this tired. But every morning I wake up, desperate for coffee, and oblivious to my major life changing plans from the night before.It’s the curse of being a procrastinator. And until there is a cure, the lazy side and ambitious side of me will fight forever.

I was listening to Anna Sun by Walk the Moon today on repeat while driving to and from work and all I could think about was wanting to write a song like that. Or live a life like that. “We rattled this town. We rattled this scene”. It makes me think of being a reckless teenager and living in a constant summer and I thought, there has to be a way to live like that. To do what you want, be reckless, worry-free, and travel anywhere and everywhere. The idea of going to school for the next two years, graduating, getting a full time job, getting my own place, settling down, living only for the weekends, eventually having kids, etc. is NAUSEATING. The job part is what freaks me out the most. Maybe it’s the laziness coming back into effect here but it’s also the idea that I have no clue what I want my career to be so for now, all I can picture is working a job I hate to pay bills and never have any free time for myself. Why is the idea of road tripping forever and just going wherever you feel like going so impossible. It’s a fantasy. But why?? Why does it have to be like that? You go to school for basically 2 decades so you can get a job to pay for bills and be an adult and get married and have kids and pay for them and then you die. Obviously, it’s a lot more complicated than all that, but that’s basically how I’ve interpreted it all. I wish I was more like everyone else I’ve met at school. I wish I wanted to be a nurse or a lawyer or a teacher. I wish the idea of finding a career and working till I’m old and wrinkly was the only option I’d ever seen. Instead, I have this crazy idea that there has GOT to be an alternative. There has to be another way to do things. Maybe I’m in the wrong decade. I’m starting to feel like a full blown hippie. But is it that crazy to desperately want a life completely devoid of what’s expected of us? Image

Get Up and Gooooo

8 Jul

This morning I woke up to find I had conjunctivitis. Awesome. Even better was that I had to be at work in a few hours and they don’t take calling in sick too well. So I called in, explained the situation and listened to my manager fuss about needing me to “really make an effort here” to get my shift covered. I’m sorry, but it’s not like I’m dealing with a stomachache I could probably suck up, it’s conjunctivitis and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be working in a restaurant with that shit. Luckily I got my shift covered but now I have to give up one of my days off to cover the guy that’s covering me today. And it was at that moment that I realized I fucking hate being an adult. Besides the manager, I love the people who work at my job but just having a job in general, not being able to go outside to the beach when it’s sunny, barely making it through a series of double shifts just to get a day or two off is absolutely killing me. It’s so draining and discouraging to think that now instead of having Wednesday and Thursday off, I just have Wednesday. It’s amazing how much that extra day makes all the difference. It’s great to have money and all but the idea of doing this for the next two months, wasting summer away, and then moving back to Western Mass to go back to school is sickening. 

 

After coming back from the Firefly Music Festival and camping outside, listening to music, and not checking my phone for 5 days straight, I’m having a hard time adjusting back to life at home. And it’s been two freaking weeks since I’ve been back. The whole experience has created this overwhelming urge to be outdoors, in the sun, and traveling. The travel bug is real and I’ve definitely been bit by it. So now I’m left trying to come up with some sort of life plan that lets me do all that and still have money for, ya know, food and shelter. All I know right now is that working 35 hours a week at a restaurant dealing with assholes all day, the summer before my junior year in college, is slowly killing me.

 

 

          On our way to Firefly. I’d give anything to go back.

 

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